


Would Phil be proud of me?

by true_weak_lincs



Series: The Bad Dadza Issue Trio [4]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: :] I like pain, Daddy Issues, My daddy issues are showing, Other, Spiribur is v2 of Ghostbur, am suffering, but still painful regardless, so hm, this is not really that dark of a fic, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:16:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28784046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/true_weak_lincs/pseuds/true_weak_lincs
Summary: Alternative title: Am I enough for you to care yet?
Relationships: Eret & Wilbur Soot, Phil Watson & Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade
Series: The Bad Dadza Issue Trio [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2097747
Comments: 4
Kudos: 124





	Would Phil be proud of me?

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: there’s quite a bit of cursing in this one, and holds spoilers for recent streams

For as long as Wilbur recalls, Technoblade has always been in his life. Techno was like an older brother to him, taught him how to hunt and protect himself from various creatures.

But yet he found it in himself to resent the hybrid. 

Don’t get him wrong, Techno was a great mentor, it was just...

Why wasn’t Phil the one teaching him these things? He taught Techno, so technically Techno teaching Wilbur would be the same thing, but yet... it wasn’t. It wasn’t, and it hurt. Something deep inside of Wilbur ached and hurt. But he didn’t understand it. 

So he did the same thing he did with everything else he didn’t understand, he shoved it away. He removed the thoughts from his mind, pushing it to the deepest pits of his heart and pray that it would hold.

That was what he did with L’manberg as well. He always overestimated how strong his walls were.

L’manberg, his hopes on being able to keep corruption out, his stone wall for secreting himself and everyone else from tyranny. 

His own son was tearing his walls down. 

But he couldn’t find it in himself to blame Fundy.

These walls didn’t just severe L’manberg’s relations with the lands of Dream SMP.

It severed his relationship with his son as well, slowly building the walls and tension between them higher and higher. That’s the only wall that Wilbur’s built that’s ever remained fully intact.

Wilbur wishes he had someone to blame for the way he turned out. But it was his fault, no one else’s.

It doesn’t matter anymore, now that he was dead.

He was split into two, one part of him wishing to forget everything and the other wallowing in endless self-hate and regret.

Ghostbur was his positive memories, the good part of him that wanted to forget.

**Spiribur** was  the part of him that wanted to remember. Every single mistake he made, all of his wrongdoings, all of the hurt he caused. He would grip onto them and never let go. He would forget that he was ever good, forget that he too was simply human, and made mistakes. Because Technoblade taught him to be better, know better, do better. Not directly, not verbally. But how was he ever going to be cared for if he wasn’t better?

So he would wait as Ghostbur garnered forgiveness for himself, while Spiribur rotted in the darkest pits of purgatory, trapped with the person who was once his friend.

The black room shared no light, but yet he was able to see Schlatt...  _Glatt_ all so clearly.

Was this the universe’s way of constantly reminding him of his wrongdoings? To be trapped with his friend-turned-enemy that he sought to destroy in his final moments?

Spiribur distinctly remembers his last moments. 

Not who, but someone who was enough to bring back a sliver of his consciousness, of his sanity.

And then he was killed. He asked for it. Of course he did.

Even now, in death, there’s a question that lingers in his mind.

“Would Phil be proud of me?”

He’s been asking himself that ever since he was a child. Ever since he was young, his only goal was to get Phil’s attention.

Everything he did, from creating a nation to destroying it.

If Phil wouldn’t care when I started one, maybe he’ll be proud when I followed him and Techno in destroy one.

“ Proud of him? For becoming a terrorist?

That’s not the Wilbur I knew.”

_ Then what does he want from me? He says nothing when I create a country. He says nothing when I fight a war. He says nothing when I get exiled. And now he says that this wasn’t me. He says it like he knew me. He says it like he cares. _

Wilbur isn’t naive. He isn’t stupid. Or at least, Spiribur isn’t. He doesn’t know if Ghostbur is, but at least  _he_ wasn’t. He knows better now. Phil was never going to be proud of him.

Even if Phil was trying to bring him back, it didn’t mean anything. Phil would just expect for him to be on Techno’s side. And if he wasn’t? He would be left behind again. 

It’s tiring.

...

His black surroundings were no more. Why was he in Ghostbur’s body? 

“What the fuck? Where am I?”

“ Wil? ” 

Phil’s voice made Spiribur do a double take from his initial confusion. 

“Oh, no. No, no, no. I don’t-what the fuck? I don’t want to be here. Even being stuck with Glatt was better than- Let me back, let me back-“

“ Wilbur, calm down- “

“Don’t fucking call me that-I’m not Wilbur, I’m not Ghostbur.”

“Then who are you?” Eret’s voice made Spiribur pause.

“...Eret?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Oh hell no, I’m going, I’m out, bye.” Spiribur ran, more accurately, floated away quickly. He dashed through walls, back to L’manberg. He would be safe there. No one could find him.

Everyone was going to find him. Especially now that L’manberg was gone. Fully, truly gone.

He stared down at the crater. No... what? How- his explosions didn’t cause  _this_ much damage, did they?...

No, no, no. Please. He slowly sunk to the ground, staring blankly. 

“Are you kidding me?” His form started to crack. “I did this?”

“No.” 

Spiribur spun around. Eret.

“You didn’t do this.”

“T-then- who-“

“Dream, Techno and Philza. They didn’t approve of the L’manbergian government.”

“...no one died?”

“Not canonically.”

_Crack_.

“Of course it was them. Isn’t it ironic? Even if you blew L’manberg up at least you left it a chance at survival. Even if I blew up L’manberg, I left it a chance to be rebuilt. Then there’s them. Destroying everything all of us worked for.”

“...Phil and I are trying to revive you.”

“Don’t. I like being dead. I mean, no, I don’t but-“  _Crack_. “It’s better than being alive.”

“You’re running from your actions, aren’t you?”

Spiribur craned his neck to look at Eret. “How can I possibly run when everyday I’m trapped in that _damned_ room it’s the only thing that I can think of? How can I run when I’m trapped with the person who cause me to drive myself insane? How can I possibly forget what I did when a dead, not-so-breathing version of Schlatt lives in purgatory with me? It’s not that I don’t want to face my mistakes. It’s that there’s nothing left to face anymore. Eret, Eret, please tell me, is Fundy-is he alright?”

“He is. He left L’manberg, though.”

Spiribur sniffed, his form cracking more. He closed his eyes as he felt tears start to form in the corner of his eyes. “That’s good. That’s enough. No it isn’t. Eret, I’m so sorry.”

“I know you are. Listen...” Eret trailed off. “What do you want to be called?”

“I don’t know. I’m just not Wilbur. But I’m not Ghostbur either. Spiribur is what Glatt likes to call me.”

“Okay, Spiribur, listen. If you come back, we can regroup and recreate L’manberg.”

“Eret...I can’t-there’s not- L’manberg is a puzzle set, Eret. It’s a puzzle and more than half of the damn pieces are missing, from the people to land to the spirit. It’s diminished. It’s all gone.” Philza’s voice echoed somewhere in his empty cavity of a chest. “ _Wil_!  It’s- It’s all gone! ”

... _ what’s all gone? _

Spiribur started to rock himself back and forth. “I have to go. But I can’t leave. I need to leave. But I need to stay. Eret please, before I go, before I stay. Take care of Fundy?”

“...okay, Spiribur.”

“A-and tell Phil something for me?”

“Okay.”

“Tell him, I know now. I understand.”

“Understand what?”

“That he’ll never care. That he’ll never be proud.” Spiribur smiled for the first time, bitterly. “Of me, or of Tommy, or of Tubbo, or of Fundy. I know he won’t be proud of anyone that isn’t Technoblade. I know he won’t care for anyone that isn’t Techno. Thank you Eret.”

“...you’re welcome, Spiribur.”

...

It’s dark again.

**Author's Note:**

> My Flameinnit comic: https://www.instagram.com/p/CKDu4YNAVXs/?igshid=coo2ys33k3m


End file.
